When you read “mentally strong”, what came to mind? Do you perhaps picture your mind as an impenetrable fortress who’s guarded day and night with the best security the world can offer? Or perhaps you imagine your brain with an infamous Richard Simmons 80’s sweatband around it’s upper region while flexing imaginary strong arms holding some dumbbells. Though both thought processes may be your truth, my truth when I think of mentally strong is more so a scenery that could be found in a children’s fairytales book. My place of mentally strong is full of light, wonder, peace, self-love, and gratitude, with a few unicorns mixed in just for the heck of it. It’s my mind, so, why not?!
If you are on the journey of rediscovering (or discovering for the first time like me) habits to adopt and apply into your daily journey through this life, grab a hot cup of your favorite tea, cozy up somewhere comfortable, and continue reading.
1. Love Yourself
How many of you cringed when you read that? My hand is raised slightly. Growing up in a very conservative world, I was taught and shown by example how we are suppose to put others before ourselves, and put ourselves on the back burner – maybe even further back if there’s a dark cabinet back there. Loving ourselves by no means translates to neglecting others. In fact, loving ourselves will in turn help us to love others even more.
If we show ourselves the kindness, attention, gratitude, and grace that our minds and body so desperately craves, our cup will be overflowing with positive qualities we just can’t wait to share with others. If we are constantly giving our time, attention, and devotion to others, our cup is constantly being emptied to the point of being completely bare of anything left to give – especially to ourselves. Trust me, I’ve been there. Once you hit the bottom of that cup, it’s tough to come out of. But the beautiful part about this, is you CAN and WILL fill your cup up again.
Show yourself the love you crave. If that means having your own date night by packing yourself a picnic, walking to the lake, and pouring yourself a glass of your favorite wine while reading your favorite book, go for it!! If showing yourself self love means curling up in a ridiculously fluffy space and indulging in some pieces of your favorite chocolate while watching black and white films, go for it!! If this one is your fantasy, I’ll be over in 10. I just can’t pass up a good black and white film sesh.
2. Practice Gratitude
This was the very first habit I adopted – and probably the easiest to start with too for beginners on this journey. When I was introduced to practicing gratitude, I was in a very dark place mentally. I didn’t have the mental capacity to tell myself I’m beautiful or even muster up the motivation to go for a walk for my health. However, verbally pronouncing what I’m grateful for every day was a simple step toward building a healthy habit.
I started off by opening my eyes each morning, and before even reaching for my phone, or stepping out of bed, I would (out loud!) state three things I was grateful for. At first, I looked around my room to get ideas. My list would include a roof over my head, or my collection of books in the corner, or the clean scent of my linens because they were freshly washed and dried in the sunshine and heat the day before. I tried to change my list everyday so I would truly open my mind to how many gifts in my life I take for granted each day. After I stated my three things, I got up. Before long, I was practicing gratitude in the morning before I rose for the day, and at night after I put my phone down and started to drift off to sleep.
Your subconscious mind is a power tool, and the few moments before you drift off to sleep are some of the most powerful moments of your day. Whatever you think in those moments will marinate in your mind for the next eight or so hours. If you practice gratitude before sleeping at night, you will wake up feeling positive and happy, after continual practice. Coming from someone who just thought I was saying words for the heck of it, this method absolutely helped me take control over my mind and thoughts again to where I am building a stronger defense every single day by practicing gratitude.
3. Know When To Let Go
Again, cringing. Let me be clear. I thrive in a controlled state. Not a military state with rules and unrealistic expectations, but I am a tad of a control freak. When I would feel something (or someone) slipping away, I would hold tightly to that thing or person until my knuckles were white. Who else can relate? The problem with that was that I was giving whatever that “thing” was control over my destiny. I allowed my control over my life to be taken by the very thing I was trying to control. Ironic, isn’t it? When I realized this, it was life-changing for me.
I remember having a conversation with my dad about how to know when to let go. I pleaded my case explaining countless examples of how much I had invested into what I thought was the path I was supposed to follow. What he said that day, never left my mind. He looked at me in a loving and honest way and said, “Sweetheart, I know it’s hard. But you have to recognize and acknowledge when it’s a bad investment.” I had never thought about it like that until he said those words to me. I was so caught up in my investment in that area of my life, that I didn’t even take a step back to analyze whether or not it was a good one or a bad one. I was able to use that information (along with a lot of prayer) to finally own my bad investment and walk away bravely with my head held high.
My situation wasn’t as simple as a one-liner in this post. It took six years to fully walk away. If you’re going through something tough and you just can’t find the strength to make that decision and let go, look inside. The strength you need has always been inside you, and has never left. Show yourself the love and grace you need, and that strong inner you will guide your mind and heart to a happier path.
4. Fake It ‘Til You Make It
When I hear that line “fake it until you make it”, my thoughts immediately go to Hollywood and all the struggle actors, models, and performers trying to make it big on the silver screen – or whatever it’s called these days. Anybody else? No? Just me?
Words are a powerful tool. They can either build you up, or cut you down to your core. How come more times than not, we are most comfortable giving compliments to others and building others up, but when it comes to ourselves, all we see are our imperfections? Why are we our own worst critic? I’ve held myself up to a very unattainable standard since I was a teenager. I imagined my dream body while I was running for the second time that day after counting calories and realizing I went over my limit so I needed to “punish” myself. I imagined how the “perfect” body would look as I reluctantly ate kale because of it’s health benefits instead of pasta which my body craved at that time. For years, I self-degraded myself in more ways than one. With that kind of habit that practiced daily for over a decade, it’s tough to reinvent yourself. Spoiler alert: It’s absolutely possible.
I finally came to a place in my life where I am practicing grace on myself. When I heard someone first mention this, I laughed. “Grace? On myself? Do you know how many flaws I have and how many goals I haven’t achieved yet?” was somewhat my response. Now, when I look in the mirror, I verbally acknowledge my imperfections that the “old” me would see, and the “new” me tells myself how beautiful it is, or how strong it is, or how perfectly unique it is. I am reinventing my own view of myself with words. Sure, I still have days where I see a roll on my body and feel so disappointed in myself. But it’s actively practicing showing myself grace that will get me to automatically express love instead of hate when I look at my body. It will take time, but I guarantee you will open your eyes one day just like that and will see the most beautiful, strong, soulful, resilient, and confident human being you have ever met in yourself.
5. Don’t Settle
Seriously.
When it comes to life, relationships, jobs, situations, etc – don’t settle. Settling grows resentment, and resentment can fester like a cancer if you let it. Listen to your intuition. If you’re not comfortable, or happy, or feel fulfilled, let it go and find the place where you feel most at peace and at home. Surround yourself with people who have mastered this concept. Watch what they do, what they read, what goals they have and how they work toward it. Mimic the paths of those who have the life you are wanting. See how they got there, and learn from their stepping stones.
6. Eliminate Toxic People
No matter how much self-love you show yourself, or how much gratitude you practice, if you still have toxic people in your life, it will be darn near impossible to fully become mentally strong. Toxic people will tear you down in every single aspect of your life. They will be the constant reminders and affirmations for all the hateful lies you hold onto about yourself. Everything you have been working on in the solitude of your own mind would be easily shattered within minutes in the presence of a toxic person.
Eliminate toxic people, and you will find your freedom. You deserve better.
7. Give Yourself Praise
This is another habit I have struggled with over the years. I relied heavily on the approval and affirmations of others to the point where the praise and/or negativity would have complete control over my emotional health and well-being. I started to recognize the weight that had on me, and started to change how I receive affirmations.
I have started going myself praise rather than waiting on the approval of others. I cannot tell you how liberating this mad eye feel. The fact that I had complete emotional control again over my work, or fitness progress, or personal goals was incredibly freeing and energizing. I no longer had to post a picture online and sit there refreshing over and over to see how people would respond. I didn’t show people my fitness progress and see if what I’m doing is “enough” for their approval. Being able to look in the mirror and essentially “high-five” myself was finally all the affirmation I needed.
Those who are mentally strong don’t look for approval or validation from others. They keep their heads down, hustle, grind, and work toward their goal, taking advice and wisdom from people on their own level or above their level. There’s a difference between taking solid advice from someone you value and who values you, and waiting for approval or disapproval from people below your level. If growth is what you’re after, keep reaching and keep striving toward higher and better. Having mentors who have achieved what you are working toward and people you trust and value you in your journey are the only types of people you should ever desire affirmation and guidance from.
Know your worth, and don’t let others who don’t value you have any control over your mindset toward yourself.
What are some of the habits you feel like should be on this list? I would love to hear from you!
